What is Friendship?

I've been having some really great conversations with friends recently about what friendship is. Its been brought on by people asking the questions, "what does a good friend look like?" or "am I a good friend?" I was recently talking to someone I deeply respect about this issue and he said this, "When I find someone who wants to be devoted to me and is concerned with how I am and how they can be my friend, I spend time with that person." Put simply, a friend is someone who is devoted to you and you are to them. A friend is "an ever present help in trouble." All those hoky phrases that you've heard over the years about friendship, are true. "A friend in need is a friend indeed," this is co true. THe people that some running to your side when you need them are your true friends. The person who is genuinely interested in your well-being is a friend. A friend is not someone you live with, a friend is not someone in your disciplship group, a friend is not someone who you watch movies with or play Halo with. A friend is someone who loves you and is generally caring for you.

Well, if friends aren't people that you merely interact with, what are those people. I divide people into four different categories.

1 - Best Friends - this is the category that is reserved for the best of friends. These are the people that you will have life long relationships with. These are the people you would ask to stand for you at your wedding. These are the people who are there when you need them. These are the people that you stand in the parking lot with talking until all hours of the morning, long after Starbucks has closed. These are the people that you enjoy spending time with most. You make time for these people. When you get a call from one of them, your heart is instantly warmed at the chance to be around them. These are the people you would take a bullet for. You can really only have 3 or 4 of these people in your life. IMO

2 - Friends - this category belong to those people that you have good relationships with. People that you feel comfortable around and spend time with, but you don't share your deepest longings with them. You have great convos and can really be encouraged by them (and vice versa), but they aren't really, deeply, close to you. Friends are a necessary part of life, but not as much as best friends.

3 - Buddies - these are your "utility belt" people. When you need someone to hang with, because everyone else is busy, or you need another person to play Halo with, these are your people. These may be people you know well, they may be in your small groups or at your work place, but they hold no real "value" to you. They are just fun to be around.

4 - Acquaintences - this is the final category of people. They happen to be lowest on the totem pole of importance to you. These are your friend's brothers and sisters, or the guy your friend knows. These are those people that hang out with your people. You know them, and maybe even have an exclusive conversation with them once and a while, but you don't really care about them. You might have their phone number, but you're not likely to call them.


So that's how I divide the populace into groups so that I can manage my emotional energy. I am very devoted to my best friends, mostly devoted to my friends, somewhat devoted to my buddies, and hardly devoted to my aquaintances.

One thing that I have learned in my 23 years of life is that, to have a friend, you have to be a friend. People aren't going to invest in your life if they only see you as an aquaintence. In order to have someone as your friend, you have to so them you care by investing in their life. Some people will never be your friend, no matter how much you invest in them. You will never be some peoples friend, no matter how much they invest in your life. Friendship is a give and take thing, mostly more give than take, and rarely more taking than giving, but it take two to tango.

And most of all, Jesus Christ gives us the ultimate example of friendship. John 15:13 - Greater love has no one than this, that someone lays down his life for his friends. This chould be our model when we interact with friends. We should say, "I am willing to give everything I have for your well being."